We felt it was important to make our kids feel vested in their own lives. If you are vested in something it tends to become more important to you. They had allowances of a size which allowed them to learn to shop and spend and tithe and save. We paid for the first two years of our kids’ college time and they paid for their books. We made certain they had chores and before being allowed to drive they had to show they were capable to changing a car tire, checking oil and pumping their own gasoline. I’m not above lending a helping hand but I see way too many kids at school whose parents are doing it all for them. I know they think they are helping but, in reality, they are hindering.
These past two or three weeks I’ve encountered more than a few parents, mostly moms but not always moms, who don’t seem to trust their children to get their own transcripts ordered, apply for their own verification of enrollment for their driver’s licenses or their own copy of a grade report for whichever extracurricular activity they are currently trying out for now for next year. And when parents order these items for their children they expect us to drop everything we’re doing and get them what they want Right. That. Minute. You know what? There is a reason we tell the kids before and after school only. That’s when we are prepared for pick up and delivery. And you know what else? If a kid can’t remember to order a VOE form on his or her own, that child doesn’t need to be driving!
I found the following in an old email and it goes right along with what I’m seeing more and more.
One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.
The director discovered from his CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent. He asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?” the youth answered “no”.
” Was it your father who paid for your school fees?”
“My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.
” Where did your mother work?”
“My mother worked as clothes cleaner.”
The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.
” Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?”
“Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.
The director said, “I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother’s hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.
The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.
The youth cleaned his mother’s hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.
This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother’s hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.
After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office.
The Director noticed the tears in the youth’s eyes, when he asked: “Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?”
The youth answered,” I cleaned my mother’s hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes’
“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.
The director said, “This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”
“You are hired.”
This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company’s performance improved tremendously.
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an “entitlement mentality” and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent’s efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?
You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.
I haven’t renewed my driver’s license in person in over a decade. At the time our licenses had varying time lengths (computer simply spit out a time span in years from 1-8…mine was 8) and you can renew one time by mail or online (4 years now). Last time I renewed in person Kristie was in high school. It was the year she turned 17; teens renew yearly from 15/16 – 18 and we went together. She is now 29. We now have to prove our citizenship to get a DL. I received a renewal notice 2 weeks ago with a LIST of things to bring to prove my citizenship. It is almost always at least an hour wait and I was afraid this time might be longer since I hadn’t done it in so long.
I was there less than 10 minutes when they called my number to go to “Desk 9″. A pleasant, smiling and knowledgeable about citizenship young man helped me, only glancing at my documentation. I got there at 9:18 and was back in car at 9:48. I had done some research. Mid week and mid morning definitely seems to be best time to be there. Other than the vision test it was a fairly painless event.
But about that vision test. I was wearing just-put-on-new-yesterday-morning-contacts. Go to look in the vision machine and I see nothing. I don’t mean I can’t see, I mean there was nothing to see. I say this about 4 times. Finally young man tells me to take off my contacts and use my glasses. I don’t have a contact case so I throw away/waste a brand new pair of contacts to put on my glasses. Still can’t see anything but black with three yellow streaks and I tell him so.
Originally posted in September 26, 2008 and still pertinent today although I updated one question.
According to Jody Dean and Mitch Carr
* 20. When did we decide that every teenager needs a limo for the prom?
* 19. Who decided that people with no savings for a down payment should have a house?
* 18. Where did we get the idea that an Army vehicle would make a nice car to run around town?
* 17. What logic gave 6th graders unlimited texting?
* 16. Where did we get the idea that keeping up with the Joneses meant “Jerry”?
* 15. How did the TV get to be bigger than the sofa in front of it?
* 14. Why does every home makeover now have to be “extreme”?
* 13. When did we decide that a $150 concert ticket was “not bad”?
* 12. Who told us that a $4 cup of coffee made sense?
* 11. When did teenagers turning 16 start getting a driver’s license AND cosmetic surgery?
* 10. Where in the Bible do preachers find that God wants everyone to be wealthy?
* 9. Who decided that we should “Just Do It” instead of having to wait?
* 8. When did client lists become more important than Christmas card lists?
* 7. Why do people spend more time at health clubs than at dinner with friends?
* 6. How did we get pet spas?
* 5. Why have TIME and LIFE been replaced with SELF and US?
* 4. What is the reason again for Snookie?
* 3. How can you make money without investing any of your own?
* 2. When did every ride need to be pimped?
* 1. Who decided the “red carpet” needed a show of its own?